Because the Vanity Fair International Best Dressed List snubbed me yet again…

I will take the opportunity to mock it.

Excluding everyone wearing purple (Carla Bruni, Michelle Obama, Bloomberg’s ladyfriend, Christy Turlington, Katharine Ross, the velvet-clad Count Manfredi, the pajama-clad Julian Schnabel, the chaps-clad artist from Minneapolis… – just checking if you’re paying attention) and repeats from last year and every year (yes, that would be you two adventurous redheads, Tilda and Lapan), my commentary follows:

• Sarah Jessica Parker – Wearing a mink from her “$20 and below” Bitten line (now at Steve & Barry’s)
• Ivanka Trump –A bird has taken up an “apprenticeship” in her cleavage! (then moved along to Kate Middleton’s head)
• Julia Koch – A billionaire’s wife in a peasant blouse
• Matt Lauer – That fedora’s a bit glib
• David Beckham – What – no Armani ad?
• Prince Heinrich of Somewhere German – Is sleepy
• Karl Lagerfeld – Could use a Kaiser roll or two
• Stacy Bendet – Is serving Meade at the Maryland Renn Faire
• Morley Safer –May have had a few glasses before his interview - God bless ‘im.