Liveblogging the CW (so you don't have to)

So, what exactly compels grown adults to peer into the lives of teenagers?

Willingly?

Is it panini with the crew team at the Chevy Chase Panera...or is it Gossip Girl?

8:20 p.m. What's up with that young man's hair? It's all feathery, but swooping around his face like a Dairy Queen twist cone.

8:22 p.m. Blair Waldorf - is that a real name...or a Facts of Life salad?

8:26 p.m. Every show needs a random sushi/anime montage!

8:28 p.m. Enter the girl from Brooklyn...you can tell by the big hoop earrings. And the unfortunate smock.

8:30 p.m. A teen boy with a pocket square...hmmm...

8:35 p.m. Brooklyn girl is snubbed. The horror!

8:36 p.m. Boring hippie parent love (yawn)

8:43 p.m. What is Gwyneth Paltrow doing on the CW? Did the new Coldplay album not do so well?

8:46 p.m. Tremendously ironic Freedom Rock guitar hero sequence

8:48 p.m. Meaningful talk. Blah blah. "It will only stop when you stop it."

8:50 p.m. Why are these partygoers wearing sailor outfits?

8:55 p.m. The voiceover foretells "just desserts" as a lead character blows out her birthday candles. Thump. That's the sound of Henry James, rolling in grave.

8:56 p.m. The shiny hair of the cheating couple is blinding me!

8:58 p.m. Tears. Confrontation. Indie rock. The Upper East Side and Park Slope find common ground...

8:59 p.m. ...as an expensive necklace finds a new owner. One Tree Hill is a bit of a comedown after this indeed.