Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Squawking Points Memo: A Primaries Retrospective

Today there is much to like about how the primaries have turned out. An African-American man and a woman battling it out for the ultimate rich white guy office - who'd have thought?

However, this is a blog, not a love fest. In fine American tradition, I will now exercise my civic voice to complain. Here are the top 5 things I did NOT like about Decision 2008: the Primaries.

5. Way too long. With a drinking party for each primary and debate, how's a liver to survive?

4. Criticizing Hillary's cankles without giving equal time to the less-than-Beckham-esque legs of the male candidates.

3. Endless "Breaking News" banners. A superdelegate farts. Stop the presses.

2. Rampant stereotyping of the populace. Rich tofu lovers think one way. Poor rednecks think another - if they can think at all - har, har. Makes you yearn for the simple days of "soccer moms" and "NASCAR Dads".

1. Bickering about rules rather than following them (see Michigan, Florida). This, along with hanging chads, recounts and, well, Katherine Harris in general, is the embarrassing crap that has other nations yearining to send election observers our way. Let's leave election rule-bending the provenance of banana-republic dictators with wheelbarrows of cash and airplane hangers full of AK-47s.

That being said, I watch primary season close with a twinge of nostalgia. Joe Biden's sarcasm. Ron Paul's blimp. Mike Gravel's nuttiness and Dennis and Elizabeth's tender smooches.

No looking back. On to the next town hall meeting, Johnny and Barry.


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