5 Things I Won't Miss When the Recession Ends

The economic bloodbath is over! (If you're an executive with Goldman Sachs or if you believe an over-optimistic glimpse into a few statistical indicators, that is.)

Whenever this blessed event arrives, it won't be soon enough...

Here are 5 things that hurt more than the carnage inflicted upon my retirement fund:

1. Cash4Gold TV ads: Not only are the production values sad, $800 for all your jewelry is a deal that makes the pawnshop look good.

2. Stupid faux words like "Staycation," "Funployment" and "Recessionista"

3. CNN's "Grapes of Wrath" series. Sad and chilling. In keeping with the site's post-Turner decline, can't it just stick with frivolous celebrity gossip and cougar wisdom from The Frisky?

4. Articles about how the wealthy have suddenly discovered "frugality": See Vogue, Gwyneth Paltrow, Oprah, the Hamptons.

5. The use of the word "stimulus" in a totally non-sexy, g-rated context


On a serious note: An increasing number of empty storefronts are popping up in downtown Bethesda. If you have a favorite restaurant, deli, shop, convenience store, adult video purveyor, etc., now is a good time to patronize them, wherever you live. Unlike Goldman Sachs, these businesses will neither be receiving bailouts or million-dollar bonuses.