You know you live in Washington, DC when...

- The first guest you meet at a cocktail party works for the DOJ...and you suspect the second person you meet is under DOJ investigation.

- Inevitably a third guest brags, "I can't tell you what I do for a living."

- Your office bathrooms can only be accessed with a secure key card. (Safe against terror - but not safe against that guy who walks in with a newspaper for a 30-minute visit.)

- You find yourself grudgingly admiring the smile-and-deny technique of Meryl Streep's character in the movie Rendition - e.g., "Wow, I know she's covering up torture and all, but she does CYA really well!"

- You've been glared at as if you were a hussy for wearing a skirt one inch above the knee to a business function.

- You've been stopped dead in your tracks when both stiletto heels simultaneously get caught in the Metro grate.