We’re not ugly…*

It’s just certain elements of our environment conspire against us, like:
• Ubiquitous name badges and lanyards strung with access cards, keys and keychains. Are you a dog? No - then what’s with the leash hanging around your neck?
• Fabrics not found in nature. Somewhere at a Burger King uniform factory in China, the overage of polyester is used to construct skirt-suits. These are bought by young female interns who mistakenly believe they are wearing something professional.
• A diet of happy hour chardonnay, gin and spring rolls.
• Acronym bags. Just because it toted your workshop trapper keeper and free pens during the annual conference doesn’t mean it should transport your possessions in public on a daily basis.
• Nude nylons. Still.
• Ugly comfy shoes. The Croc, the pilgrim boot, the pointless 1-inch heel. Two words: ballet flats (unless, of course, you are a man who’s not Mikhail Baryshnikov)
• Elastic waistbands
• John Bolton mustaches. An interesting way to pay homage to our former UN ambassador...

* They call DC "Hollywood for Ugly People." Anyone who lives here knows this is not necessarily true - in an urban area of 4 million, you're going to have some hotties just due to the law of averages. However, a recent city poll begged to differ.