Wisconsin Avenue: Mannequins are suffering...

Hear their cries!

Gucci: "So I thought this was the *sexy* label. Slinky velvet pantsuits, sleek gold gowns. So when they handed me this Girl Scout uniform and told me to put it on, I said, you've got to be kidding me!"

Barneys: "Is this the National Geographic exhibit? No? Well, why is there a giraffe in here? And why am I carrying something on my head?" {ed note: I think it's a tote bag. Looks like Tory Burch}

Dior: "I was just standing here in this gorgeous purple dress, minding my own business, looking elegant. Then this random bedazzler pastes big plastic blobs onto my chest. So heavy, weighing down my fragile acrylic sternum..."

Sylene: "Help! I can't see anything! I know the whole 'blindfold' thing is supposed to be sexy for Valentine's Day (and I hear plays well with the Brooks Brothers crowd). But why did they strap this stuffed eye pillow to my head? The other mannequins surely will beat me in poker now!"