8 Habits of Highly Effective Bon-Bon Eaters

It's a busy life - between posing my bobbleheads in compromising positions and twitting out haiku in honor of "Jon and Kate Plus Hate," I keep a schedule that would frazzle a lesser mortal.

Many ask, how do you do it?

It's called efficiency, people - making time, as they say in the prison population, your bitch. Read on and learn from me, young Padawans.

1. I keep several calendars. The majority of these are from 2004 and have pretty pictures.

2. To absorb information when I'm on the go, I use a novel RSS feeder known as "my eyes."

3. For many years, I did not have cable TV. Then I realized I had become a pompous ass.

4. Multitasking, part one. I Twitter while on the toilet. This way I can overshare in many ways.

5. Multitasking, part deux. When I work out, I enrich my mind by consuming multiple streams of media. This week's playlist: History Channel's "Armageddon Week," the expose on the Indonesian Tree Man and "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant."

6. Learning, an ongoing process, should not stop when you are away from Comcast or Al Gore's magical invention. That's why I maximize every moment absorbing knowledge - even in line at the supermarket.* With practice, you can skim the Holy Trifecta (Star, InTouch, OK!) between unloading the basket and swiping your debit card.

* Did you know that Michael Jackson's younger child is named "Blanket"? No? Now you do. You may thank me later. (On a related note - WTF?)

7. Apps - or, rather, iApps. God, I love them. They not only keep me organized, they make me feel closer to Steve Jobs (who sadly rejected both my offer of a liver and my offer to *service* him during his recovery).

8. Email management. Unless you are forwarding me photos of fuzzy red pandas or are the Vice President of Nigeria offering me $700,000 to put money into your account, your message is deleted after my first read. Seriously.

Fort Reno concert series, Ghana Cafe...where'd you go?

The Ghana Cafe was a reason for a non-intern to visit Adams Morgan. Bottles of Tusker behind the bar, a reggae band singing Wayne Newton classics, a patio perfect for ring-side 1 a.m. stumbler-gawking.

Now it's vacant "due to circumstances beyond our control," the facade refurbished to a disturbingly Ethan Allen look. The owners claim they will re-establish elsewhere, and cater fufu for the masses in the interim. But it won't be the same.

And where's the 2009 summer schedule for Fort Reno? Where are the high school kids in black bringing a little f*ck the man to Friendship Heights?

Some surprises are good. And some are just sad.

The mean streets of Bethesda

Word.

The Kinsey Theatre of Montgomery County

First there was "Menopause, the Musical" - now this, spotted during my morning commute of all things.

Methinks a certain suburban cultural institution has sex on its brain as the days get longer and the sun gets hotter.

What next?
- Librettos About Fellatio
- Lay Miserables (heh heh - I slay me)
- Tis Pity She's a Whore (a real play that debuted in the 1600s at the...wait for it...Cockpit Theater)

From winter to summer...

The 2008-09 season behind him, "Bruce Boudreau" attends the Vintage Virginia Wine Festival.