Team Bella, Team Wonk

Next to me on the Fairfax Connector: the archtypal young female executive, the stock photo that comes up when you search on "driven," "high-powered" and "upscale."

So I figured the book she was reading was some Thomas Friedman thing on globalization, or a New York Times Book Review notable.

I looked over her shoulder...

"Edward turned to the group and looked at Jacob"

New York is different than DC

Leopard fur and Burberry plaid work together here

The hotel sports sequined throw pillows but a broken in-room phone

The room is stocked with an "intimacy kit" but no in-room coffeemaker

A reprimand at the top of the escalator ("stand to your left!") evolves into friendly banter by the bottom

You have to be seriously freaky to stand out at the train station here

You have got to be kidding me

-   $450 for a plain white designer t-shirt -  Dropped-crotch, cropped harem pants as a directional fashion statement -  Atonal music (Schoenberg!) as something a person should sit through and savor -  VIP bottle service at a roped-off table that just ends up trashed, filthy and overrun by the hoi polloi by sunrise   Sometimes I believe product designers/cultural "tastemakers" play pranks on the general public.  They'll serve up something ordinary, ridiculous or both and EVANGELIZE it as revolutionary or must-have cool.   Which I believe may explain:   -   $499-$699 (only $100 extra for 3G!) for the privilege of reading books from a backlit LED screen.      -   $499-$699 (only $100 extra for 3G!) to miss out on any web feature using that newfangled technology "Flash."   - It's a laptop with no keyboard     -  It's an oversized iPhone that can't make calls   -  It's a "technological innovation" with no built-in camera   -  And it's named for a feminine hygiene product   "But it has a touch screen!"   Technically, so did the Etch-A-Sketch.

Now there's a bailout

Overheard on metro:

Via cell phone, a parent dutifully tries to prepare the disorganized teen for the day:

"You have no money? I have money with me, but that won't do you any good. Go into Grandma's room and get her purse. It's better than an ATM."

Now there's a bailout

Overheard on metro:

Via cell phone, a parent dutifully tries to prepare the disorganized teen for the day:

"You have no money? I have money with me, but that won't do you any good. Go into Grandma's room and get her purse. It's better than an ATM."

Monday Metro hall of shame

When riding this city's fine transportation system, please do not:

- Nochalantly amble up to the closing door of a crowded car and use your belly to wedge your way in. You risk getting us all offloaded and late to work (including your self-important self)

- Use rush hour as the time to figure out how to work a scarce blue smarttrip machine. Some of us need to fill our cards quickly in order to catch a bus 14 stops away - and being late means standing out in the rain for a half hour. If I get pneumonia, I will cough on you in a CDC-unapproved fashion the next time our paths meet.

Jumbotron poetry

If you're submitting a text message to the jumbotron during a Caps game, in front of thousands, make sure it's your best work.

To wit:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Ovi is a beast
I love you mom

What, praytell, do flowers have to do with a child's love for a parent and the beastliness of the Great 8? Holy unclear linkages, batman.

For a traditional poem, it doesn't rhyme, and it's not quite weird enough to pass as modern or experimental.

In contrast:

Julie wants wings and I want Varly.

Now there's a lot of story packed into 7 words.

live from virginia!

When I lived in maryland, my virginian friends would continually chide me about the superiority of their commonwealth.

Now, as a resident, I know the reason why: wine in the grocery stores.

It's what's for dinner (and breakfast), fellow southerners.

please please - sit by me!

If you are doused in axe body spray
Reeking of stale marlboros
Sprawling your legs into my space
Flinging the full-sized newspaper into my face
Not using your indoor voice

I want to share my commute with you

about the book/metro analogies...

"Lord of the flies" - you get 150 overworked defense contractors crammed into a car meant for 100, lurching sporadically towards clarendon, and the social contract understandably frays.

"Story of o" - a crowded subway inherently possesses sexual undertones - e.g. Is that your blackberry holster jabbing my butt, or are you just happy to see me? The orange line adds to the fun with its submissives - the folks who insist on cramming like sardines by the door - and its sadists, the jack asses who stretch their legs out into the aisle like they're in business class, taking the space of four standing people. No dripping candlewax spotted during rush hour though (not yet)

seventh circle of hell

What does "lord of the flies" mixed with "the story of o" equal? Metro's orange line during rush hour